I can't say I had a bad child hood. It was great but the older you get the more things you understand. For example. My dad worked on the local Air Force Base producing sheet meta for air planes l. Not very often does his job require him to go out of town or TDY. Sometimes my dad would just up and leave after an argument in the middle of the night . I wake up from the yelling and stayed in my bed . My mom would tell him to go while she cried and yelled in frustration. She would tell us later that people fight and that he had to leave for work and will be gone for a while. Not the truth being he lost his fight against drug addiction and ran off for weeks to get his fix. The older I got the more my parents fought and brought me into the arguments. Through there anger and frustration they told me things about each other family members that made me feel uncomfortable and eventually depressed. Ways to end the arguing and harassing passed through my thoughts sometimes such as suicide or cutting my wrist. I was ashamed of talking to people about my problems because I felt like they were burdens. I couldn't have friends over like a normal teen and couldn't catch rides to parties and get togethers because of the way my parents treated each other and themselves. Eventually at some point during that time I was introduced to the punk, hardcore, emo, screamo music scenes. I poured my heart felt frustrations into every song lyric that came off their lips singing along and clinching my fist. I became more passionate about bands like senses fail, allister, matchbook romance and there message. And that was in my opinion To Defend your Heart and fight back on what has you down. Off and on in my life I played in punk and metal bands for the rush but felt nothing like it when I picked up a notebook and wrote song lyrics and poetry influenced by my favorite bands and my situations at home. I felt better after it was all said and done.To this day I still go to the same notebook but with different troubles. I moved on in life living and learning. I took a step towards closure with my past and decided to release the poems in a series called the stupid nerdy notebook. We all have troubles and there is always someone who has been through what you're going through. Talk to someone. It's better to get it all out before gets you.